May 26, 1946

May 26, 1946

664 W 13th St

San Pedro, Calif

Dear Father, Mother and the rest of the folks at home,

A couple of weeks ago I wrote in one of my letters home that I felt like homesteading in the Sierra Nevada, for various reasons. As you intimated, mother, I was really writing words rather than thoughts at this time, but nonetheless there is a measure of desire on my part for such an existence. Probably the most desirable aspect of such an existence, as far as I am concerned, would be the time available for just thinking. I used to believe, and that up till not too long ago that thinking only made you more perplexed and unhappy. Your thoughts would lead to conclusions unsettling to your previous placid, unthinking state of mind and would thereby initiate, annoy and disquiet you. However, what is the use of just letting your mind stagnate, even if it induces a surface calm in your spirit? It becomes more and more apparent to me as I grow older that even if thinking leads to an impasse it is still desirable — it surely shows where no definite statement one way or the other can be made. Then too, there is always the possibility that thinking may clarify the issue in mind, and that would be truly worthwhile.

Further it seems to me, that clear thinking is aided by simply being alone. You have to watch yourself tho, not to let your thoughts start running in a rut, which can easily happen. In this respect I have been quite fortunate since my scholastic training and experience in working in research have cultivated in my mind a natural tendency to an unbiased, unprejudiced approach to a problem. Perhaps natural tendency is the wrong phrase. It isn’t natural, I don’t think in anybody. It’s there all right in many, but it depends on circumstances whether it develops or not. Well anyway I think that a life of comparative solitude would suit me fine. I could spend a lot of time just contemplating, with the reasonable assurance that, because of my previous experience, I could control my contemplations so that they would not be idle, but instead truly constructive. Hiding myself in the mountains would certainly give me solitude.

I suppose everybody sooner or later attempts to analyze his own feelings, ambitions — where they come from, what they mean, whether they are worthwhile or not. I am no exception in this regard; perhaps I think too much about it (there, it slipped out; so hard to old ideas die). Anyway, I am sure that if a person approaches this analysis in the correct way, it can do a lot of good, in settling his problems. I have by no means settled the problems in my life, but I believe I can state that I have removed various worries (tho they still recur occasionally) from my thinking, and have therefore achieved a calmer and saner outlook on life. Perhaps it is just a consequence of growing older but I think not. At any rate I feel that I am a more rational being now than I was a year ago.

Most of the time since I was in high school I have managed to cloak the physical signs of the more violent emotions, as anger, altho I have lapsed occasionally, but less so as time passed. Much more difficult has been the attempt to attain a similar control of the actual emotions involved; the success has been correspondingly less. A certain amount of progress has been, I believe, been made however. A few topics still arouse tumults in my mind, but I am now able, with application of little effort, to control the mental attitude towards petty annoyances. Well, anyway, I have reached the point, or am approaching it, of emotional stability so that a life of contemplation would conceivably lead to the answers to the problems that confront me, or which I conceive to confront me.

In other words, I wouldn’t be wasting my time living alone. Not only do I feel that I could think clearly, because of education and experience, further I have removed in part attitudes of mind that would tend to hinder the same. Also, a life of solitude could not help but remove disquieting influences.

Of course you probably will say “What problems are there that would require such a program?” There really aren’t any, if you don’t want to meet them. Most people never even conceive of them, and many who do don’t consider them either because they don’t think they are worth the time or just aren’t important enough. Some think about them but only superficially. I’ll give you a couple of samples that have occurred to me (and to others before me) — perhaps I have mentioned them before — and that I think merit solitude for contemplation.

a. What is sin?

Ans.: Sin is everything contrary to the Will of God.

What is the will of God?

Ans.: The Will of God is that all men should be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth.

What is truth?

What is knowledge of truth?

If we cannot define truth, how can we be sure that what we consider to be true, is true?

Is “the truth” a part or the whole of truth?

b. Is man necessarily the end product of the biological development of life?

c. How can an individual be certain that he exists?

Descartes had the classic answer when he said, “I think, therefore I am!” but even so the question deserves a thought.

d. Is it possible to make two statements, different from each other, but inconceivably different to my mind?

or, stated in another way,

Is there such a think as an absolutely definite thought?

or

Can one thought be differentially different from another thought?

The implications of (d) are astounding if the question is answered (that is, for example the third form stated) affirmatively.

e. What is thought?

All physiological processes are more or less complex chemical reactions (i.e., no definite division point between “animate” and “inanimate” matter can be shown to exist)

Do, then, mental process fall also under the classification of chemical reactions?

f. Is it possible to re-think the same thought?

There are others, but those were serve as samples. Their important is easily minimized and they are not easily answered as they may seem to be at first sight. To me a life of solitude devoted to the attempt to answer these questions, even the few stated above, would be worthwhile; perhaps a given answer is only applicable to a given individual; if so, it would still be worth knowing.

This is all for now.

With love

C.P.