Sunday, June 20, 1954

Sunday morning June 20

Paul Gabriel Straat 132

The Hague, Holland

Dear Father & Mother

Last night I found out that it can really thunder in Holland. Yesterday had been a warm, quite sultry day, & along in the afternoon it sprinkled a little, but the rain didn’t really start till in the night when it thundered more than I have heard for a long time. I woke up several times & heard it so it must have kept on for some time. This morning it is mostly cloudy but the sun keeps looking out occasionally so I have hopes it will clear up. I should like to go down to Rotterdam later in the day to look around a bit, perhaps take some pictures & be able to say I had been there.

Today so far I have breakfasted etc, written a letter to Jean, told Mrs. Swieringa with the aid of the dictionary & some sign language that I might not be here for lunch and am now writing to you. Yesterday was a good day for mail — two from Jean & one from you. I was glad to hear how good the crops & the farm looks, but was sorry to hear of Viv’s and Tiny’s disappointment.

Today of course is Verner’s important day and in a few days he will be in El Cerrito. Jean is now spending her nights at 411 Bonnie Dr; for 4 or 5 days after she got back she spent them at her folks. One of the floor furnaces was out of order and so required fixing and I guess for this & other reasons decided to stay awhile with her parents. She visited the doctor last seem and everything seems to [be] coming along well.

Yesterday morning I spent doing some errands and some shopping and in the afternoon going to the beach. I had been out there twice before but once it was cloudy & another time in the evening (& while it was rainy) so hadn’t seen it in its best light. Yesterday while I was there it was sunshiny for the most part but late in the afternoon it clouded up. By that time tho I was ready to leave so didn’t mind. I got some pictures of the beach, the resort hotels, of the fishing harbor and of the partially demolished fortifications the Germans built. Most of these have been removed I understand but some still remain. At the present time most of the fishing fleet is out but there were a few boats in, enough to get a few pictures. The number of people at the beach increased as the afternoon wore on, but the weather clouded up so I went home about 4:30; it started to sprinkle a little by then but held off mostly till in the evening. I spent the rest of the day reading Time, having supper & taking a leisurely hot shower & washing my hair.

Work comes along about as usual. I think we will be running again this coming week, making check runs now that the difficulties have (I hope) been ironed out. Most of the past week was spent in reviewing the air flow measurement & calibration and installing some new equipment on the column. When these runs are completed & satisfactory I can bring up the suggestion that I’ve really accomplished my mission & see what reaction I get.

This will be all for now.

With love

Carl

 

Jean's Dad

In the period right after Jean and were married we would fairly often be at her parents for an evening meal — sometimes around the table in the kitchen, or on more notable occasions around the dining room table. What I remember most about these meals were the leg-of-lamb repasts; lamb was a meat that we never had when I was growing up in the Midwest, and after I was introduced to it in Jean’s mother’s suppers it became one of my favorites. I still feel that the well rendered fat portions of the leg of lamb, like the outer crust or the “tail” are about the tastiest meat items that I have ever encountered.

During the meals, in the wintertime, there would often be a fire in the fireplace, tended of course by Jean’s dad (who also did the carving of the leg of lamb or roast as the case might be). My recollection was that he usually burned coal in the fireplace — I remember the sack he had it in, down in the lower floor of the house. Where he got it I don’t know — by the time I was aware of it, it was proscribed as a fuel in the Bay Area. He had modified the fireplace to make a smaller fire easier and more effective, by the insertion of some fire bricks.

Jean’s mother was a placid person, at least on the surface, and as I got to know here there developed a warm relationship between her and me. In some aspects of her personality and habits she was much like me, and that may have contributed to our regard for each other.

Jean’s father on the other hand tended to be a crusty, rather morose individual who would often act in a curt, abrupt manner even with his old-time friends such as Al Flint. When he was so disposed he could be absolutely charming in demeanor, and I really think on those occasions he was just as much himself as when he was unsmiling and dour. I suppose you could say he had a sort of split personality.

He tended to be dilatory in maintenance around the house, but when he undertook a task he did it with extreme attention to detail and the quality of work he did. During the years I knew him he did some painting inside the house, and I think he took out the old plaster and replaced it with sheet rock in one of the rooms. But my recollection is that he never complete the entire house.

At one time we had some pieces of linoleum which I had recovered from some use we had made of them (perhaps from the girls’ bedrooms) and I finally cut them to fit the kitchen floor at Stuart Street and laid them down (either to cover the old linoleum or the bare floor — I can’t recall which). Jean’s mother at some time in the past had purchase some linoleum from a door-to-door salesman and the two linoleum rolls stood in the back porch all the time I can remember. To my knowledge the linoleum was finally disposed of after Jean’s dad’s death; during all the years the linoleum stood on the back porch he had never gotten around to putting it down on the kitchen floor.

He was still working when Jean and I were married (he had retired from the navy yard at Vallejo but we was working for an old friend of his, Fred Staddelhofer [sp?] who had some sort of pump or machining business in south Berkeley) but he stopped that fairly shortly. He then turned his attention to some upkeep jobs on the residence, one of which had never been done in all the years the family lived there. Before he could start this though he decided he needed to replace the outside back steps and this project took a couple of years at least.

At this time he also did some work on the laundry room window. He started painting on the back of the house and he did complete this in its entirety. Next he turned his attention to the sides and front of the house, but his attention was diverted from painting to filling in the little holes alongside the framing of the front doors, formed by the grooves in the house siding. He made little triangular pieces of wood to fit in these holes and proceeded to fill them — at least he started, I don’t know if he ever finished.

Sometime in his later years he finally decided that he would never finish painting the outside of the house and he hired Ray to do the job — which was then done quite expeditiously. During one of his trips for hospitalization he was absent from the house for awhile and I painted the front porch and steps with porch and deck paint. He would have used some concocted mixture of his own which I daresay would have lasted a short while, while the porch and deck paint was I believe still serviceable when the house was sold after his death.

On occasion Jean’s dad would do something that appeared to be utterly irrational. The most notable of these incidents related to the old P-38, the Plymouth coupe that he hd at the time Jean and I were married. This was certainly a serviceable car, but I think he had the practice of using some old motor oil he had saved somewhere long the line and this may had contributed to its “throwing” a connecting rod. This happened I believe as he and Jean’s mother were returning to Berkeley from a visit to the Rosels.

Anyway he limped on to Stuart Street with it and subsequently he bought the 4-door Chrysler that he had the rest of his life, and which he was driving when he had the accident that resulted in his dying. The Plymouth he proceeded for some reason to dismember, piling the pieces in the back yard where they lay for a long time. Why he did this is quite incomprehensible to me. Eventually I think Ray disposed of the pieces, or helped dispose of them. He, like me, regarded this action by Jean’s dad with amazement and astonishment.

Christian Science

During the late winter or early spring of 1953, I drove with my folks down to San Diego for a visit with Marold and Jeanne. After their marriage, Marold was in the navy and stationed there for awhile. I guess I showed my folks such places as Muir Woods, and of course there were visits with the Gust Knocks and the Uddens. But I have a rather poor recollection of sightseeing or visiting beyond that.

It was during my parents’ stay with me that my association with Jean began. When it developed that Jean was a Christian Scientist, my parents were distressed, particularly my mother. Her traditional and conventional viewpoint of Christianity placed Christian Science outside the pale of acceptable doctrine. I guess at the time my viewpoint still retained enough of my childhood training and indoctrination that I felt there was some basis for this opinion. In a way the confrontation (if it was as strong as that between my parents and me) only served in the long run to further weaken my regard for traditional Christianity.

My attitude toward Christian Science has softened I guess since my feelings during this period, but I still regard the basic teaching as unfounded. As for the founder, Mrs. Eddy, what little I have read of her writings stamps her as a rather befuddled elderly female with a proclivity for reading material that she was incapable of fathoming and building on this a fanciful dogma, unsupported by the real world.

I have attended a few Christian Science services and to me they have an aura of unreality — that thinking humans could take what was being read or said seriously. In a way my reaction now extends to the conventional protestant services I now attend on a limited schedule. So I suppose that Christian Science has served to direct my thinking although largely in sort of negative way.

There is one aspect of Christian Science that appeals to me, and that is the implicit acceptance of natural processes in the realm of living or dying. This is not the way a Christian Scientist would describe his beliefs, but that is what they fundamentally are. During my lifetime I have had three major surgeries, two of which were critical in determining life or death. Actually the last surgery was corrective, the medical procedure which determine life or death was the emergency procedure before it.

In retrospect I rather feel that the prolonging of my life, particularly in the ruptured appendix occurrence, was not necessarily the best outcome, either for me or others involved. In many respects life is a burden, not a gift, and it is a condition imposed will-nilly on individuals who never have any way in the matter. Once in existence a person is dominated by the instinct to live and survive. It is a mistake I think to attribute any basic goodness to this feeling of the intrinsic worth of live and living. You simply “are,” and that is about all that can be said.

When one is alive, one appreciates the physical environment, relatives, friends, occurrences, but underneath this facade of enjoyment and acceptance there is the underlying reality of the real meaningless of existence. This is not what Christian Scientists would say they believe but I think their conduct has elements of it.

Be that as it may, my association with Jean was interrupted during much of the summer of 1953 by a feeling of mutual disagreement in the field of religion. In Jean’s case it was a holding to a way of life that had served her well; in my case it was a feeling that Christian Science had so little obvious reality and was basically at odds with conventional Christianity that it was an inseparable barrier between us.

In the end the breach was subordinated to the attractions we felt between us and we resumed our earlier relationship. We were married in November of that year. As the Lutheran church of which I was a member (Bethany, on University Avenue in Berkeley) had some church function on that day we had selected, we used a church on Durant (?) for the site of the marriage.

This church no longer stands — it was later torn down for some reason. The pastor of the church (Ross Hidy?) was of the feeling that marriage services in the edifice should be conducted by the resident pastor; in the end he capitulated to the extent that Gust Knock was the minister really conducting the marriage, although Hidy was in attendance. I think one reason that he consented was that he knew the Knock family quite well. Since we knew the Knock family and appreciated them in man ways we were happy that the compromise was reached. In a way the incident further diminished my regard for church officialdom, with its attitude of parochialism.